How Social Media {almost} Stole My Passion
When we hit these tiny apps on our phone its as if we have opened up a whole new world. One second we couldn’t count the number of friends we talked to this week on one hand and the next we have thousands. Suddenly, we feel validated by that number, oh wait that number isn’t the same as it was yesterday, what did I possibly do to ruin that friendship? I just had a real conversation with that person, shared a little bit of my heart and boom... unfollowed. What the what? I don’t get it. Does this all sound silly... yep, but tell me I’m not right. I am sure there are people that can shut it all off, fake every word they write to make their world not seem so messy, but I am not one of those people.
When I hear vulnerability I emphasize. When I hear concern I want to help ease it, when I read questions I want to answer them. However, when I see slander and bullying, I ignore it out of fear of response. Does it leave me… never. When my closest friends and family don’t like or comment on my posts it affects me. Honestly, it even breaks me. All of a sudden I have forgotten the real reason I got back on Instagram, which was to share my passion. Passion, I mean whats that, all I feel is that I am not good enough. I’m irrelevant, my family doesn’t care, my friends are not my friends, and how can I have thousands of friends and 5 likes. The walls and lies come closing in.
Talk about unhealthy. Something that was good yesterday now has the ability to make me feel worthless today. True, I could sit here and say that my worth comes from Christ and no one else, but if I don’t believe it then it means nothing. In this moment, in those moments when I opened this tiny little app into this new shinny world, Christ is the furthest from my thoughts.
When I created OrderandBliss over 2 years ago, I wanted to share my passion for organizing, I wanted to help others, and I didn’t care if I was giving it all away for free. Crazy enough, I also didn’t care if I had likes. The first person that ever “followed” me (and has never stopped) was my husband who was following me in real life. He was there every step of the way. If I fell he could literally catch me. There is no way any follower on an app could do that. No algorithm could hide the real emotions that he saw, but yet somehow it wasn’t enough. How could my husband not be enough? How could I still need this virtual world to tell me I am good enough? There truly is no explanation, its just crazy and very destructive.
One of the best things about this blog is no one can tell me how to feel, no one can show me something to make me feel as if I am not enough. No one can blast a number in front of my face that controls my day.
If I am the only one that feels like this, thats ok. I own it, I acknowledge it. I've been broken down by social media because I allowed it to happen. I recognize that the way it makes me feel isn’t ok with me and I'm taking steps to change it. I know I have so much growing to do and this is only the beginning.
I want to remember my why. I want to remember where my worth is found. I want to inspire, and I want to show the messy side of life that brings us to the bliss. I don’t want my life and my business to be defined by a grid and a max amount of words. I want to be truly happy... not for a minute, not for a day, not for a month...always.
I want my joy to be found in Him, my husband, my children, my family. I want to help others because its the right thing to do. Technology is important, without it I wouldn't have this platform to speak into but we also can't allow ourselves to get sucked into the things of this world. To choose them over everything else. There needs to be balance, we need to take breaks. Im not perfect and would never pretend to be. Contentment is one of my biggest struggles. Even when I think I am... I am not. Its the human side of us, but I know that if my eyes are fixed on whats important I ultimately wont be swayed by what isn't.
There was a time a few weeks ago, that I would have been devastated if I couldn't log on Instagram...devastated. It wouldn't have been much different to how I felt every time I was logged in. It didn't matter that I had been on a social media sabbatical for EIGHT months prior to this, yet again I was hooked. BUT friends, we can never let something have so much darn control over us. Thats when we have to step back and really focus on whats important.
Thankfully, my passion is still intact. Not only is it in tact, but there is a new fire in me to inspire outside of the box {literally}. Instagram and Facebook has done a great job letting you know who is checking out your stuff, but have you ever just wanted to share life because it is good for your soul?
That is true joy.. and nothing or no one can steal it from you.